Hey Lovers! Let’s talk about something that should be easy but often feels anything but: asking for what you want in the bedroom. For many of us, the idea of expressing our desires can bring up nerves, embarrassment, or even outright fear. But here’s the thing - your pleasure matters! And chances are, your partner wants to please you just as much as you want to please them.

So, if you’ve got that nervous feeling in your tummy and you’re feeling a little unsure about how to start the conversation, don’t worry  - we’ve got you. Here’s how to make asking for what you want feel natural, exciting, and (most importantly) stress-free.

Timing is Everything

Bringing up what you want in the middle of dinner or right after an argument? Probably not the best move. Instead, try to find a moment when you and your partner are already feeling connected. Maybe you’re cuddling on the sofa, having a giggle in bed, or enjoying some post-intimacy pillow talk.

If the moment feels right, a simple “You know what I’d really love to try with you?” can be all it takes to open the conversation in a way that feels light and inviting.

Focus on Excitement, Not Critique

It’s easy to fall into the trap of framing desires as something that’s missing (“I wish you’d do more of X”), but this can feel like criticism, even if that’s not your intention. Instead, shift the focus to enthusiasm:

“It really turns me on when you do Y - what do you think about exploring that more?”

“I love when we do X - maybe we could add Y into the mix?”

This keeps the conversation positive and makes it clear that you’re looking to enhance what’s already there, rather than pointing out what’s lacking.

Celebrate What They Already Do Well

If you’re nervous about bringing something new into the bedroom, one great way to soften the conversation is by starting with appreciation. Tell your partner what they already do that drives you wild, and then introduce your new idea as a way to build on that. For example:

“I love the way you take control sometimes - it’s such a turn-on. I was thinking it might be fun to explore that even more…”

“You give the best massages. What if we turned that into part of our foreplay?”

Framing things this way makes your partner feel valued while also giving them a clear path to step into something new with confidence.

Keep It Light and Playful

Sex is supposed to be fun! If talking about it feels too serious or intimidating, try introducing the idea in a way that feels flirty and natural. You could send a cheeky text, share a steamy article that aligns with your desires, or even watch a sexy scene together and casually mention, “That looks fun—should we try it?”

Taking the pressure off can make it feel more like an exciting adventure rather than a big, daunting conversation.

Respect That No Is Okay (But the Conversation Doesn’t Have to End There)

Sometimes, your partner might not be into what you’re suggesting - and that’s okay! The key is to keep the conversation open rather than shutting down completely. If they’re hesitant, you can ask questions like:

“Is there something about it that doesn’t appeal to you?”

“Would you be open to trying a version of it that feels comfortable for you?”

On the flip side, if your desire is something that feels really important to your pleasure and fulfillment, be honest about that. The goal isn’t to pressure your partner but to find common ground where both of you feel heard and satisfied.

Get Curious About Their Desires Too

A great way to take the pressure off your own request? Flip the script and invite your partner to share what excites them too! You could say something like:

“I’d love to try something new together - do you have any fantasies or ideas you’ve been curious about?”

This makes it a two-way conversation and creates an opportunity for mutual exploration, which can be incredibly sexy and rewarding for both of you.

Final Thoughts: You’ve Got This!

Asking for what you want in the bedroom might feel daunting at first, but remember - you deserve pleasure just as much as anyone else. You don’t have to be the most confident person in the world to start these conversations. It’s okay to feel a little nervous! What matters is that you take that first step, even if it’s just a small one.

Try approaching it with warmth, curiosity, and playfulness, and you might be surprised by how open and positive your partner is. The more you practice, the easier it gets - promise!