There's no doubt that anal sex still comes with a bit of (albeit sexy) taboo. Perhaps that's because stepping into the anal arena for the first time can be intimidating, to say the least.

What are you supposed to do down there? Is it painful? Enjoyable? And most of all: Is it actually possible to have an anal orgasm?

We’re big advocates of solo play here at pleasure gap, and believe that stigma, shame, and societal taboos have no place. Finding out what you like for yourself, before experimenting with a partner can be a great way to help you feel empowered, confident, and more relaxed.

 

So, what’s the big deal with anal?

In this article we cover off some of the myths & recommend a few things to help get you started, but first, let’s jump right in with a few reasons to try experimenting with a little anal play…

For Penis Owners:

We have one word for you… prostate.

Anal play stimulates your prostate glands and can lead to intense prostate orgasms (you lucky things). This sensation is much more of a full body orgasm, similar to g-zone orgasms experienced by vulva owners. Achieving this type of orgasm is often described as the holy grail of pleasure by those that have experienced them.

Bonus fun fact for you: you don’t need to be erect to stimulate your prostate or orgasm from it, so you can be ready to go anytime!

For Vulva Owners:

Did you know… It is possible for vulva owners to have an orgasm from anal play, even without a prostate?

The anus is packed with nerves, including the Pudendal nerve - a major pleasure giving nerve in the pelvic region which carries sensation to your labia, clitoris & vagina. The anterior wall of the rectum shares nerves with the vagina & clitoral legs, and this means anal orgasm can be achieved by stimulating these high density nerve spots & erogenous zones.

Of course, it’s not all about orgasming, but about exploring, experimenting, and finding out what feels great for you. Inserting an anal plug (or butt plug) wakes up more sexual nerve endings, giving you the power to achieve deeper, more intense orgasms. This is because adding a butt plug changes the shape and angle of your vagina (the muscular tube leading from your labia to your cervix).

So… how does this help you to achieve better orgasms..? Tissues in the labia and vagina lose collagen over time, and this causes the vaginal angle to flatten and become less steep. A flatter vaginal angle means less friction against the front wall of your vagina AKA the home of the g-zone. The flatter angle also results in less contact with your clitoral region during intercourse. So adding a butt plug into your self-love or intercourse session allows you to hit more of your hot spots – sounds great right?

We appreciate anal play may still not be for everyone but try to be open minded. It’s fun to experiment and try new things. If you just want a clitoral orgasm only, then that’s perfect, but you may love the totally new sensations and blended orgasms that await you. Remember, relax and if it feels great, you’re doing it right.

 

A note on body acceptance…

Embracing our bodies and shedding the shame around anal sex, is a journey we all should consider. You might have heard folks say, "It's the one thing I'll never do," reflecting the societal taboos that can cloud our perspectives. But guess what? There's a transformative opportunity waiting for you when you try anal play on your own.

It's not just about the pleasure – though that's definitely a perk – it's about learning to shower yourself with self-love and acceptance. By embarking on this journey of self-exploration, you're rewriting the story that society has told you about your body. This act is like a hug for your own self-worth, showing that every nook and cranny of your being is worthy of love.

 

Now, lets bust some myths about butt stuff:

This part of your body can bring you so much pleasure  - if you can get comfortable giving yourself pleasure via something traditionally associated with shame, that my friends, is liberation! And we’re totally here for it.

Myth #1: Enjoying anal play means something about your sexuality.

We hear this time and time again and it really is a super common thought/question. We’re here to tell you that your sexuality is about so much more than enjoying one physical sensation!

The people that you want to sleep with help define your sexuality. Where you want to be penetrated or where it feels good to be touched absolutely does not.

All sexualities are valid and beautiful, and we believe wholeheartedly that nobody should be judged or shamed for their sexuality or how and where they want to be touched. You do you, and keep rolling with what feels great.

Myth #2: Anal Sex is a casual thing to ask for.

It’s not a casual ask, and it definitely shouldn’t be treated as one. Ensuring a positive anal experience comes down to two key things: enthusiastic consent and open communication (ok, lets add lube in here for a third thing).

Seriously, taking the time to chat openly about desires, comfort levels, and any concerns beforehand is a game-changer. We're all about breaking down barriers, right? This includes communication too.

Anal is not an easy sex act, and requires active preparation (keep reading for more tips below..), including muscle training. It should never be assumed that a person wants anal sex. This is particularly important with a new partner.

If you are unsure about how to approach the anal conversation, try planting the seed about exploring and ask questions, lots of questions. Both parties must be on board before attempting anal sex and receivers should not just agree because someone asks. It is important that all decisions are made together. By approaching the anal conversation with care, respect, and a willingness to listen, we're not just enhancing our physical connections, but also building stronger, more trusting relationships overall.

Remember to breathe, take it slow, reinforce the consent (from both parties), and add lots & lots of lube! (Honestly, lube, lube and more lube).

Myth #3: Tried it, hated it.

Hot on the heels of Myth #2, many people have had poor first encounters with Anal sex. Perhaps you were younger, less confident, and afraid to communicate your thoughts, feelings and desires as effectively as you can today. It may have been ‘accidentally slipped in’ (AKA non-consensual), you may have been drunk, there may have been no lube, lacking aftercare etc… one of these things alone is enough to put us off for good.

We’re here to tell you, anal sex can be glorious, even if you had a bad first experience. If you do want to try again with a partner, make sure it is with a person you can trust and with whom you have honest & open dialogue. And remember, consent (and lube) always.

Myth #4: It’s just not my thing…

Anal isn’t for everyone and that’s ok. You’re reading this article so you are in a great place to make an informed decision.

Remember, if it feels too much to tackle with another person, start slow by experimenting with yourself to find out what you like and don’t like. Who knows where it may lead?

Myth #5: The hygiene factor

It is natural to be concerned about cleanliness, but remember that the anus is just a part of the body so whilst hygiene is important, don’t let it be the reason for not experimenting with new things!

Before anal play, a gentle cleanse of the anal area with warm water and mild soap is sufficient. Over-cleaning and harsh soaps can disrupt the natural balance of your body and cause irritation.

Most people have a good idea about the cycle of their bowel movements. If you have passed a bowel within a few hours, you can relax as you will be in a good place to proceed. Remember to always wipe from front to back to prevent any potential bacterial transfer, and you can always take a quick shower beforehand to help you feel fresh and help you relax into your solo or partnered session.

Some people like to use douches to clean inside the area before play. This can help individuals feel more confident about the cleanliness, however tread lightly! Excessive douching can upset the natural balance of the area. If you douche (or use an enema), avoid using too much pressure and use plain warm water only.

 

So you’ve got my attention… how do I try solo anal play?

Anal training requires time and patience as you get used to the sensations. Firstly, a little prep. When masturbating, always make sure how have clean hands (or toys), trimmed fingernails and tons of lube. Anal play is not a race, take your time to explore and always listen to your body.

To start, take some lube and slowly rub around your sphincter to see how it feels, always start on the outside and take your time to ensure you can properly relax.

When ready, apply more lube to your fingers and move inside slowly… try pushing one finger gently inside and notice the sensation. Try moving your finger around a little… how does it feel? Perhaps you can try two fingers…

Give yourself time with this process, it is important that you relax into it and breathe. Notice what you like and what you don’t.

When you’re comfortable with your fingers, you can move on to more advanced butt plugs, anal beads & anal training kits. Remember to be patient, it can take weeks / months to work up to an average sized dildo or prostate massager. Start small, don’t rush and take your time.

Anal training is also great for your mind – it is important that you let go or shame or any taboos and really listen to your body about what feels great for you.

 

Which toys should I try for anal play?

It is important for everyone to note that the anus is not self-lubricating and the importance of lubrication should never be underestimated. Always ensure toys are safe for anal play – we don’t want you to end up in A&E now do we?

Now let’s break this down by genitals…

For Penis Owners:

Start small – non-vibrating anal beads, butt plugs or prostate massagers are where it’s at for beginners. Vibrating toys are extremely stimulating at first and should be used after you have some practice under your belt.

If you have a prostate, this is located c. 2” inside your rectum. You will find the non-vibrating prostate massagers have an insertable length long enough to hit your prostate to deliver those full-body O’s without the need for vibration. Not to mention, prostate massage is excellent for your health (research shows it’s great for preventing and relieving prostate inflammation).

Ready to level up? Vibrating prostate massagers feel incredible on your prostate gland. There are also advanced options that stimulate your perineum (the nerve ending area between the penis & anus) at the same time – think of these like rabbit vibrators but for penis owners.

For Vulva Owners:

Grab the lube and try experimenting with a solo finger first. When ready, progress to a non-vibrating butt plug, or experiment with a set of anal beads to find what feels great for you. Vulva owners don’t need the length of the prostate massagers, so these are the perfect toys to get you started.

When you’re ready, why not try a vibrating butt plug? I know we sound like a broken record, but add lots of lube for extra comfort and to avoid tears to your anus.

Advanced fun:

Try adding a vibrating anal plug whilst masturbating with your favourite sex toy – you could use a clit stimulation toy, or a toy you use for insertion - whatever feels great for you.

Take your time and relax, it’s all about exploration. There is no pressure to orgasm, but simply to enjoy the sensations.

If your clitoral orgasm does comes on, think about how it feels in your anus, and see if you can edge yourself to the wonders of a blended full-body orgasm.

 

A final note on lube (we promise):

We cannot stress this enough, lube is a must for any anal play, for your comfort, health & enjoyment.

Silicone lube is perfect for anal play. It is long-lasting and extra smooth & slippery. It is important to note that they are not compatible with silicone toys as they break down the silicone of the toy & invalidate any supplier warranties – silicone lubes are perfect for use with metal and glass toys though.

Water-based lubricants can be used for anal but will wear off more quickly and it is extremely important that they are reapplied frequently.

 

In a world that sometimes makes us feel uncomfortable in our skin, embracing anal play becomes an empowering way to flip the script. It's all about claiming your pleasure and kicking outdated stigmas to the curb. So go on, take that step towards self-discovery and let your body revel in the joy it deserves!

 

Got any questions for us? We’d love to hear from you. Get in touch with the team via hello@pleasuregap.co.uk

photography: @whileinquarantina via instagram